initiative

On Monday, February 5th, I was received into the fraternity of St. Benedict the Moor. Our typical meeting involves Mass with Evening Prayer woven in and then a business review and on-going formation. In the context of the Mass, I made my public request to enter the Secular Franciscan Order and into the St. Benedict the Moor fraternity. They received and armed me with our habit, known as the tau cross, and a rule book. I will now begin Candidacy and the hope is that by the end, I will make my permanent comittment to the Secular Franciscan Order. All of this was a moment of initiative.

In Deacon Luke's homily, he spoke of the grace of initiative. He said:

The gift of Initiative allows me to sing in utmost confidence with the Psalmist,
"You, O Lord, are my lamp, my God who lightens my darkness. With you I can break through any barrier, with my God I can scale any wall."

I have no issue with the concept of initiative. Indeed I often feel the Holy Spirit prompting me to it. However, my tendency to take on a sense of grave responsibility sometimes chokes the initiative. For example, I came up with a document that discussed a holistic plan to live out what I am learning in formation. There is nothing wrong with the concept, but perhaps having everyone call it a "manifesto" is a sign of it being overly-ambitious. I just have to be careful not to confuse initiative with taking on more than I can chew. It's a constant theme for me really--wanting something glorious, lofty and encountering folly so as to humble my pride. I am reminded of a line from an unreleased U2 song "Mercy":

You wanted violins, and you got Nero

I take the violins to to be about harmony, while Nero used an instrument of harmony to make folly. I know that I want harmony but instead get folly of my own making.

In sum, if I can merely let the Holy Spirit guide me with Initiative instead of having to shape its fruits into my own vision, I can mitigate much of the folly I create. Then I can be free to give back to God in steadfast love. Indeed, "mercy" has sometimes been interpreted as that in Scripture -- steadfast love. Steadfast love found in God lends itself to being able to hold steadfast in love with the world around us. Then, like the Psalmist, with God I can break through any barrier, scale any wall.